~* when will my reflection show who im inside. *~

whats there inside me.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

iishhx breakinqqx up the only way outtx? haiisshxx.. ii am hurttx oncee againss! whiee mustt euu alwayss do this to moii..? if ii can predictt the futuree, ii wouldd ratherr we stay as friends ratherr thann have thiss kinda endinqqx! ~~FUCK LAH~~

have been realliee stress recently.. quarellinqqx withh moi parentss almosttx everydaee! whiee cantt euu peoplee justt leavee moii alonee..? ii am already 17! ii am no longerr a small kidd lerr! ii got moii own thinkinqqx! lett moii do all the decisionss canss? haiisshxx.. iif ii am goinqqx tuhhx go iin this statee.. ii will realliee breakk downn onee day! andd ii really hope the daee will be TODAY as ii really cannot take iit lerr! lett moii go tuhhx a placee where ii can findd moi truee happiness ba.. ii realliee need a breakk! G0D! PLEASE GRANT MOII THIS WISH!

have been tearinqqx tuhhx bed every nighttx.. haiisshxx.. whatt shouldd ii do now..? smoke? drink? or go back tuhhx moii olden days life? can anyonee tell moii whattx tuhhx do..? ='( *confused*

loovee iishx like a war;
easy tuhhx starttx;
hardd tuhhx endd;
impossiblee tuhhx forgett!

behind the mask 9:04 PM

Sunday, November 05, 2006

nothinqqx muchh happenedd iin this week.. everydaee ii am justtx busy goinqqx tuhhx school, shoppinqqx and withh moii workk.. thatss how moii lifee functionn! wahahahahas~ lifee wenttx onn as per normal till fridaee nighttx.. on thatt very nighttx.. ii starttedd tuhhx have somee argumentts withh dearr.. thenn.. ii ignoredd hiss smses, calls, etc! whilee doinqqx thattx, iit hurtts moii loadds sehh! whiee musttx moii loovee story alwayss endd this way? why canttx iit justtx lastt till the day whenn we walkk iinto the churchh togetherr..? ='( ii waitted ferr euu tuhhx comee outtx.. andd thiss iishhx wad ii gettx..? where iishhx moii oldd dear..? thee onee thatt loovee moii wholeheartedly.. haiisshxx.. now.. ii truly believee wadd moii brotherss andd sisterrs havee toldd moii..!

boii.. havee euu thoughttx of the consequencess beforee euu do thosse thinqqx tuhhx moii..? do euu know how disappointtedd am ii..? wheneverr ii thosee picturess thatt we have takeen togetherr.. tearss will justx floww downn moii cheekss continuously! ii know thattx euu are startinqqx tuhhx regrett now.. butt isntt iit too latee? ii havee forgivenn euu oncee already! and now.. AGAIN! from thiss.. ii can say thattx euu ar justt takinqqx thinqqx ferr grantedd! =x

now.. all ii wanna tell euu iishhx thattx.. ii still do loovee euu loadds! but thenn.. ii see no pointtx iin continuinqqx thiss relationship as ii feel that stayinqqx on withh someonee that doesntt treasuree euu realliee hurtx.. haiisshxx.. so.. moi final decisionn iishhx tuhhx leavee euu! thee only thinqqx ii wisshx ferr iishhx euu tuhxx bee happiee andd bee ablee tuhhx findd thee gerr euu truly loovee thatts all!

behind the mask 11:45 PM

Saturday, October 28, 2006

iit has been a tirinqqx daee.. andd somehoww ii am startinqqx tuhhx feel sadd againss.. haiisshxx.. ii still do misshxx him loadds.. maybee iinfront of everyonee ii may saee thattx ii dontt misshxx him andd stuffs likee thattx.. buttx deep downn withinn moii.. ii still do loovee andd miisshxx euu silently! =( whiee iishxx moii loovee lifee soo saddeninqqx?

yesterdaee nighttx, he called moii.. he askedd moii iif ii still do have feelinqqx ferr him..? andd alsoo will ii continuee tuhhx waitt ferr him..? at thatt pointtx of timee.. ii realliee dunno how tuhhx reply him.. haiisshxx.. ii realliee misshxx thosee daess whenn we slackk at cinee.. =( whenn will thosee memorable dayss comee backk? whenn will moii brothers, sisterss and HIM comee outtx..? afterr puttinqqx down the phonee.. ii brokedownn.. nothinqqx can express moii feelinqqx at thatt pointtx of timee.. haiisshxx.. ii guess ii will be goinqqx tuhhx visitt him iin about 2 weeks time ba.. by thenn thenn ii givee him thosee answerss tuhhx his questionn ba.. =x

nortx realliee feelinqqx well todaee.. havinqqx headachee and slightt feverr.. arghs~ iits irritatinqqx! klicee darlinqqx iishhx gonna come over tuhhx moi housee andd stay tomorrow till tuesdaee worss! yays! at leasttx there iishx someonee tuhhx peii moii enjoy andd at the same time help moii forget about all those sadd sadd stuffs..

ii loovee euu..
andd ii am willinqqx..
tuhx waitt ferr euu..
till thee endd of timee!

behind the mask 7:38 AM

Friday, October 27, 2006

ii misshxx moii dearrdearr lerr! ii juz leavee herr for a few hourss niaa leiss..! =( school iishx gettinqqx moree and moree meaninqqful lerr! coss gottx moii dearrdearr mahss... shee iishx simply soo sweetx nehss.. wahahahas~ today's lessonn iishhx a recap of whateverr ii have learntt iin secondary school.. at firsttx iit iishx tediouss.. butt.. afterr thatt.. withh the help from leonardd, we finishedd everythinqqx iin 5 minss! iits so complicatedd andd yett so easy! thanks leonardd andd dearrdearr wors.. xp RJ ferr todayy iishhx soo weirdd lorr.. haiisshxx.. ii wonderr whatt am ii gonna writee siahhss.. =( got tuhhx go and write moi RJ ler..! updatee tomorroww bass!

ps. ii am lookinqqx forwardd tuhhx sundayy! yayss.. someonee's gonna stay overnighttx iin moii housee! =)

behind the mask 11:58 AM

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

iits bloqinqqx timee againss.. weets~ now lett moii tell euu wad happenn ferr the pastt few daess..

satt andd sundaee
basically.. ii am busyy workinqqx on this two daess.. on sunday, jue dui superstarr heldd theirr activity iin suntec city! thee contestantss are soo damnn proo canss! arghss~ =) hmms.. butt.. thiss activity made moii lifee moree tirinqqx as thatt also meanss moree peoplee will comee iinto moii shopp to purchasee thinqqx..! futhermoree.. moii darlinqqx iishhx workinqqx iin taka! arghs~ thatt damnn schedule planner larr.. purposely wanna seperatee uss! haiisshxx.. =X buttx.. there iishhx still a chancee ferr moii tuhhx meet her! tee hees~ at nightt, darlinqqx camee overr tuhhx suntecc andd brinqqx moii homee.. so sweet righttx? xP harhars..

mondaee
iits moii firstt UT todaee.. wahahahas~ wokee up earliee iin the morninqqx andd wass very excitedd as ii haven studiedd ferr moii UT! =( actually, ii toldd moiiselff thatt ii wanna do well ferr thiss semesterr.. butt.. oncee ii reachh homee from workk.. ii am too tiredd tuhhx evenn on moii lappy sehh.. ='( howw tuhhx do well sehh..? doess thiss meann thatt moii dreamm iishhx gonna be gonnee..? ii still wanna go overseass and studee! ii dunn caree! ii wanna go americaa andd studee! =X afterr school.. wentt swensens ferr dinnerr.. againss withh moii dearestt buddiess (zhao lu and darlinqqx as xiao yin iishhx sickk).. yayss.. harhars.. afterr thatt, darlinqqx broughtt moi homee thenn shee go home lerr..

tuesdaee
todaee nothinqqx muchh happenedd.. gonna havee annual generall meetinqqx laterr.. hmms.. thattss gonna be lonqqx ii guess.. =X harhars.. buttx.. ii will be goinqqx as ii feel thatt ii havenn been goinqqx ferr a lonqqx timee lerr.. andd.. somethinqqx shouldd be donee lerr.. =/ thee meetinqqx endedd at aboutt 8.. darlinqqx camee overr from causeway pointt tuhhx brinqqx moi homee! yayss.. she even helpp moii buy moii friend's birthdaee presentt! thanks darlinqqx.. *muackss* >.<

wednesdaee
UT againss! =( moii class wentt ferr outinqqx.. butt.. ii canttx go.. hurhurs~ arghs~ thee only thinqqx thatt can be donee was tuhxx remainn iin class and do thee damnn scienceee ppt.. =/ overall.. today's lessonn was alrightt as we got a sciencee proo iin moii teamm! andd thee sciencee pro ishhx si qinqqx! weetx~ afterr schh.. wenttx tuhhx causewayy fer a moviee thenn gott tuhhx leavee lerr.. haiisshxx.. darlinqqx broughtt moii homee andd ii rann outt againss.. harhars~ ii camee backk at 4am againss! wahahahas~ ii loovee nightt lifeee... =P

thursdaee
today's problemm iishxx very complicatedd.. arghss! so confusee canss..! xiaoyinn iishhx gonna be moii jiu minqqx en renn lerr! wahahahas~ shee iishx foreverr soo cleverr deee! now.. goinqqx tuhhx meet moii darlinqqxx lerr.. afterr school, darlinqqx accompaniedd moii till abouttx 5.30 thenn ii wentt into the lecturee theatree ferr moii band's generall meethinqqx.. wee were askedd tuhhx elect ourr committee memberrs! weetx~ yayss.. thee next batchh of committee iisshxx definately gonna makee a differencee! ii believee iin them worss.. =) bandd endedd almostt at 9! so tiredd sehh.. haiisshxx..

quarelledd withh darlinqqx again! haiisshxx.. shee is alwayss promisinqqx moii thinqqx withouttx fulfillinqqx iit! ='( darlinqqx.. have euu thoughtt of moii feelinqqx..? do euu know how sadd and hurttx am ii..? euu saidd euu caree ferr moii! butt whiee ii cantt sensee iit..? euu seem tuhhx be carinqqx ferr otherrs moree thann moii! besidess thatt.. euu attitude moii ferr the whole of today! whats wronqqx with euu..? whatt have ii done tuhhx deservee thiss kinda treatmentt..? haiisshxx.. up tuhhx euu bas.. ii am jusstx simply heartbrokenedd and HURT! at thiss pointt of timee.. ii realliee hopee ii can sleep andd neverr wakee up againss! moii lfee iisshxx soo ~~fuckedd~~ up! haaisshxx..

god.. can euu pleasee takee moii tuhxx a placee where ii can findd happineess..? nothinqqx iin this worldd cann be trustedd! iif euu were tuhhx trustt thenn euu will surely gonna endd up gettinqqx hurtt likee moii! ='(

behind the mask 11:15 PM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

oopssiee.. iits been a lonqqx timee sincee ii lasttx bloqqx.. =X euu know whiee..? causee recentlyy ii am buzy withh bothh moii school stuff, workk and shoppinqqx.. =P

ii am quitee fortunatee tuhhx havee gott iinto a good class.. thiss iishhx so as ii findd the peoplee here aree easy - goinqqx; fun lovinqqx and also quitee crazy at timess! =) ii loovee euu peepss loadds loadds worss.. harhars~

workinqqx iin that damn placee suxss.. haiisshxx.. sucky managerr.. sucky supervisorr.. who the hell euu all thinkk euu are sehh.. so whatt iif euu got a higher post? doess thatt meann euu cann do anythinqqx euu likee..? whateverr iit iishhxx.. euu guyss will regreat! ii will makee sure your boss know whatt the hell are euu all doinqqx beforee ii step out of thiss company! ii mean iit!

klicee andd ii are planninqqx tuhhx go andd look ferr otherr better lobanqqx lerr.. =) yayss~ klicee iisshxx moii dearriee.. wahahahas~ dunn makee moii jealouss lerr arr.. ahboo ii will ignoree euu ferr the restt of moii lifee derr horr.. *bleahs* mustt alwayss remembberr thatt euu onlyy havee moii as urr dearr arr.. tee hees~

sianss.. now got tuhhx go and workk lerr.. gonna see theirr ~~fuckinqqx~~ facee lerr! =/ tonighttx goinqqx tuhhx findd moii sisterss worrs.. yayss~ iits been a lonqqx timee sincee we lastt meetx up yas? realliee miisshxx euu guys loadds! sisterx ferr lifee!

behind the mask 1:47 PM

Monday, September 18, 2006

todaee.. ii wentt moviee withh klicee andd yi linqqx.. wee decidedd tuhhx watchh thee pulsee! the showw iishhx realliee eeriee.. =X soo scaryy sehh.. now ii shall movee oon by tellinqqx euu more aboutt thiss moviee.. onee outtx of a few younqqx adultss receivedd an e - maill sayinqqx tharttx itts goinqqx tuhhx be the endd of the worldd lerrs.. as the day goess by.. moree and moree peoplee starttx tuhhx receivee the e - maill and fell iinto deep depressionn! buttx.. supprisinqqly.. emily, ishhx the onliee oone thattx faileed tuhhx openn the e - mail! andd becausse of thatxx.. she triedd all wayss and meanss tuhhx protectt herr loovee oness fromm fallinqqx into deep depressionn! overall.. this show iishx quitee touchinqqx buttx.. iits scary toos! =/

afterr moviee.. we wenttx tuhhx fishhx and co tuhhx have ourr deleciouss lunchh cum dinnerr.. wahahahas~ klicee and ii hadd the new yorkk fishh and chipp while yi linqqx hadd herr sweetx and sourr fishh! ii hadd a lime drinkk too.. butt iitx iishhx alcoholicc worss.. =) yummieee..! afterr eatinqqx.. we proceed tuhhx marinaa squaree tuhhx findd jobb.. iit iishhx so horriblee lorr.. so many er xin pplee sehh.. eeyerr.. =X afterr thattx then we headd backk tuhhx suntecc andd walkk walkk beforee we go homee..

wenttx homee thenn hadd a lightt snackk thenn comee onlinee lerr.. now.. ii am planninqqx where tuhhx go ferr intervieww lerrs.. shall continuee blogginqqx tomorroww.. seeyass..! =)

behind the mask 11:55 PM